INDEPENDENCE

As I sat watching and screaming useless instructions known as support(it's what I do best)at my son Cameron's soccer game yesterday, I inadvertently overheard a man complain to the female sitting next to him that his wife (who is retired) is constantly busy taking care of their daughter. The woman say "Isn't she 20 now?"..."Yes" he replies, "But she's in college and she only has time for her studies." Without control my head snaps in their direction and I bite my tongue. A few seconds pass and she says to him, "Isn't that a bit ridiculous? I mean c'mon--you have to time manage a bit better than that..." The man agreed but continued on to say that his wife is feels that she needs to/has to do this for her. He also said that he has attempted to demand that his daughter at least do something useful such as emptying the dishwasher or doing a simple load of laundry but she continuously procrastinates and his wife ends up stepping in and then he is viewed as the 'bad guy' when he complains that she did it for her.
Besides wanting to smack the man's wife up side the head, I inwardly groaned to myself about how we as mother's do our children such a disservice by coddling our kids. Are we so retarded that we can't see what this type of behavior is going to end up looking like?
Let me describe...it will be an overweight, zit-laden video game junkie who has no idea where the garbage is located even though it is next door to the refrigerator that he empties daily. If it's a girl, she lives on Facebook or Myspace, can't motivate herself for more than a shower-3 times a day -- no job, and has multi-colored hair due to boredom and spends 8 hours a day on the phone with her boyfriend who is equally useless without a job.
think I'm kidding....I've witnessed it first hand.
My eldest child, Noelle, is in her freshman year of college and trust me, getting her there was like trying to shove a cow through a door...but she/we did it. I made her sign up for SAT's, I made her finish her application to the colleges in a timely manner and I made her apply for her student loan at her bank. The only thing I didn't have to force her to do was get a job. She had 2 of them when she was 14 and she was babysitting when she as 12. This past summer before college, she had 2 waitressing jobs and worked 6 days a week. Early on she understood the meaning and joy of an earned dollar and she also found Aldo shoes. By working she appreciates what it takes to survive. To live as an adult.
However, She is a teenager and they procrastinate, but that doesn't mean we do everything for them just because we know we can do it faster or we feel better knowing we have 'that taken care of'. The only way they are going to learn to do for themselves in the big bad grown up world is if they do for themselves. The more we do the less they will do...they realize we will take care of things if they drop the ball. We have to make and allow our kids to stand on their own two feet or they will be living with us till their 40; annoyingly asking what we're making for dinner and wondering why they don't have any clean underwear.
My own mother was a true bitch who did very little for me after age 12 since she decided to climb inside her mega-gallon bottle of Gallo wine every day yet in her need to use me for slave labor i learned how to stand on my own two feet and fend for myself. I had to clean the entire house everyday, which included scrubbing the kitchen floor and basement stairs every other day. I had to cook most of the meals. I did my entire families laundry which included ironing all my father's shirts and handkerchiefs. and when i turned 15 I lied about my age and got a job as well since all of the above was done without pay. I had a roof over my head and I was to be grateful.
I tell you this not to whine but to point out that it can be done. I am not complaining that my mother had me taking care of her and my home--I learned volumes from her. I could have done without the nasty drunk part and the verbal assaults--but the rest made all the difference in my life. We as mothers can do the same thing for our children, minus the Gallo. There may be some loud complaining and swearing at you but if you pace yourself and introduce it slowly, they will be able to be released out in to society when they are 18 knowing how to wipe their ass--AND do laundry.